Women Vs. Men
Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women won't shut the fuck up long enough to build up the pressure.
Q: Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?
A: If you dragged them by the feet they filled with dirt.
Q: Why do men have dicks?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut women up.
Q: Why don't women like to fish?
A: You have to shut the fuck up!
Q: What's the difference between a dick and a paycheck?
A: Women will blow paychecks without hesitation.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A bitch who won't do what she's told.
Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: SHE WAS A WOMAN.
Q: How can you tell you're fucking your woman too hard?
A: Stick your thumb up her butt and your middle finger up her pussy.
If you can snap, you need to ease off a little.
Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers go away.
Q: Why do some women have small bumps on their nipples?
A: It's braille for "place tongue here."
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her tits that a 25
year old woman doesn't?
A: Her navel.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anyone.
Q: How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner?
A: Why the fuck should we fix it? We never use it!
Q: Why are women like screen doors?
A: You need to bang them a few times before they loosen up.
Q: How do you make your wife scream after sex for an hour?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: How do you make your wife scream twice?
A: Fuck her in the ass and THEN wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: Why are women like parking spaces?
A: The best ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Q: How are women like rocks?
A: The flat ones are the best to skip.
Q: Why do women have breasts?
A: So men will talk to them.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
A: You come in one and go in the other.
Q: How do you fuck an ugly woman?
A: Jerk off in your hand and throw it at her.
Q: What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women nuts?
A: Money.
Q: What do you call a lesbian Playboy centerfold?
A: BITCH
Q: Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you can't help but wonder who was there
before you.
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: What did King Kong say to Oprah Winfrey?
A: Is it in?
Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.
Q: What do Kermit the Frog and Roseanne Barr's husband have in
common?
A: They both fuck pigs.
Q: What do you call the worthless piece of skin around a vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: What is a period?
A: A bloody waste of fucking time.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to bitch at you,
what did you do wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: Why don't women carry umbrellas to work?
A: Why would they need one from the bedroom to the kitchen?
Q: What do you call that little area between a woman's pussy and
her asshole?
A: A chinrest.
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who gives a fuck? Why was she out of the kitchen?
Q: What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
A: Albert Einstein's dick.